The Things We Forget to Thank

/ˈɡrætɪtjuːd/ | noun

Dictionary definition: The feeling of appreciation or thankfulness for kindness, help, opportunities, experiences, or the good things one has received.

AJ’s interpretation: The art of recognising what life has given us without pretending it has never taken anything away.

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An Inventory of Ordinary Blessings

An Original Free Verse Poem by AJ Gabriel

I used to think gratitude
required something extraordinary.

A remarkable achievement,
a long-awaited answer,
a door finally opening
after years of knocking.

Something worth announcing,
photographing,
or remembering
on an important date.

I never thought
to thank the ordinary.

The electricity returning
after an unexpected blackout.
A bus arriving
just as the rain began.
The last piece of bread
waiting in the cupboard
when I had forgotten to buy groceries.

Small things.

Hardly the material
of grand speeches
or handwritten thank-you cards.

And yet,
how quickly we complain
when they disappear.

We notice the broken kettle
more than the hundred mornings
it quietly worked.

We remember the delayed train
but rarely the journeys
that brought us home on time.

We count the people
who disappointed us,
sometimes forgetting
those who helped us
without asking to be remembered.

Perhaps appreciation
has always been
a little less dramatic
than I imagined.

It sits beside us
at an ordinary dinner,
in the company of someone
who remembers how we take our tea.

It lives in conversations
that begin with nothing important
and somehow last for hours.

In a familiar voice
asking whether we’ve eaten.

In having somewhere to return
after a difficult day.

But I have learned
that being grateful
does not require me
to admire every chapter.

There are losses
I would never call blessings,
disappointments
I have no intention of celebrating,
and difficult years
I would not willingly repeat.

I can acknowledge the kindness
without excusing the cruelty.

I can appreciate what remains
without denying what is missing.

And on days
when the world feels terribly unfair,
I do not need to manufacture happiness
just to prove
that I am thankful.

Sometimes gratitude
is much smaller than that.

It is noticing
that someone saved me a seat.

That a friend remembered
an insignificant detail.

That the flowers on the windowsill
have opened
while I was busy
thinking about everything
that hasn’t happened yet.

This evening,
I made a list
of things worth appreciating.

I began with the obvious.

Family.
Friendship.
A place to call home.

Then I remembered
the person who held the door
when my hands were full,
the unexpected message,
the extra biscuit
someone insisted I take.

By the time I finished,
the list was longer
than I expected.

Nothing extraordinary
had happened today.

And perhaps
that was the most interesting
thing about it.

— AJ Gabriel

The Dictionary of Human Feelings | Entry 003

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A Note From AJ

I’ve noticed that gratitude is often discussed as though it’s a permanent state of happiness. We’re encouraged to count our blessings, appreciate what we have, and look for something positive in every situation. There is wisdom in some of that, but I also think we sometimes misunderstand what being grateful actually means.

Personally, I don’t believe gratitude requires us to be pleased with everything life throws our way. Some experiences are genuinely disappointing, some circumstances are unfair, and some losses cannot be compensated for by finding a silver lining. Being thankful for the good things doesn’t mean we have to pretend the difficult ones were necessary.

What interests me more is how easily we overlook ordinary kindness. We remember being inconvenienced by someone, yet forget the people who make small efforts to make our lives easier. We complain when something stops working, having barely noticed all the days it worked perfectly well. I am guilty of this myself, particularly when I’m in a hurry or mentally occupied with the next thing on my list.

Perhaps gratitude is less about convincing ourselves that life is wonderful and more about learning to recognise what is good without denying what is difficult.

So, I’m learning to appreciate the everyday things that rarely receive a proper acknowledgement. The familiar conversations, the people who remember little details, the convenience of an ordinary routine, and the kindness that arrives without ceremony.

And if somebody offers me the last biscuit, I intend to appreciate that too. Preferably while accepting it.

AJ Gabriel
Still counting blessings, including the edible ones.